Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
