allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize