you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
