I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
