Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
