Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
