Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize