pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize