found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
