he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
