Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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