I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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