We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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