Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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