You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
