words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
As shirtless as possible
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
