Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
