I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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