while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize