Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
