So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
