Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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