If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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Randomize