I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
