and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
