I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You're completely useless in the revolution.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
