like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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