so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
