I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize