you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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