I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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