he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
COCAINE IS GR8
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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