Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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