your thong is hanging out like whoa
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
