i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
