It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
