Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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