A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
