Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
