my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
