You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
