bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
