Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Jerry, you need to find god
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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