theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
