i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
