Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
