theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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