I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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