...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
