I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
