Do you still have your period?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
