you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize