No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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