The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize