I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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