Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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