Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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