Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
