He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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