I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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