You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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