apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
