im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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