Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
