My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
