Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
