so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize