remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
love makes seman taste better
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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