hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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