apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
