i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
