his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize