Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
