The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize