i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
