I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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