watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
