Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
