i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
