I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
